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March 17 2013


Why the Obesity Epidemic is Like Modern Art

  • PETA: You’re fat because you eat meat. We can cure fat by making meat-eating illegal.
  • ENVIRONMENTALISTS: You’re fat because you drive everywhere instead of bike. We can cure fat with higher gas prices.
  • LOCALVORES: You’re fat because you eat fast food and over-processed junk instead of cook with local ingredients. We can cure fat by taxing fast food and processed food, and by subsidizing local farms.
  • ACADEMICS: You’re fat because you’re not educated enough. We can cure fat with widespread campaigns teaching people what to eat and how much to exercise.
  • INTERVENTIONISTS: You’re fat because bad food and gas is too cheap and poor neighborhoods are too unregulated. We can cure fat with tougher zoning laws and price regulation.
  • PUBLIC TRANSPORT FANS: You’re fat because you drive everywhere. If you used public transport you’d burn those extra calories taking stairs from train levels and walking to your train/bus stop. We can cure fat by expanding public transportation options.
  • WALKING/BIKING/RUNNING FANS: You’re fat because you sit on a bus, then sit at a desk, then sit at home. We can cure fat by building more bike lanes, walking trails, and parks.
  • LIBERTARIANS: You’re fat because you lack personal responsibility. We can cure fat by engendering a sense of individual pride in people.
  • RELIGIOUS FOLKS: You’re fat because you display the sin of greed. We can cure fat by teaching our children the correct values.
  • POLITICIANS: You’re fat because the previous administration didn’t care about the health of the nation and the costs of healthcare. You can cure fat (and save the economy!) by voting for me.
  • EMPLOYERS: You’re fat because you have a poor work ethic. We can cure fat by refusing to hire fat people, thus forcing them to lose weight in order to get a job.
(source: Muselimah)

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