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June 04 2015






boyfriend requirements: 

  • is a feminist
  • not a racist 
  • dances (not necessarily well) 
  • is a cutie
  • is not a murderer 
  • likes puppies 

yes cause obviously if someone is not a feminist they are obviously scum (sarcasm)

  • Isn’t that guy

Man the bar could not get any lower and yet some men still can’t reach it.

The bar was an inch above the ground and the guy dug a hole to avoid it.

July 16 2014


It is complicated being Filipino


After seeing several submissions from fellow Filipinos, I thought I’d share my own experience growing up Filipino in America. Some of this may become ranty and incoherent, but hopefully I can reach those of you who have experienced something similar or at least can relate.

I remember when a Korean-American classmate in my orchestra class asked from what country in Asia my family came from. Of course, I said that I’m from the Philippines.

Lo and behold! His treatment of me changed from pleasant to utmost disdain. At the time, I did not understand why he suddenly didn’t want to interact with me anymore.

You see, back then (this was when I as 14/15 years old), I was very naïve and I thought Filipinos are just as Asian as all other Asians. I thought this way because both my parents instilled in me that we ARE Asians because of language, cultural, and political influence.

I did not know about the unspoken hierarchy that Filipinos were at the bottom of the Asian Hierarchy. Or were seen as “the wrong kind of Asian.”

And so, I wanted to really make friends with the other Asians at school, but I was often frustrated and ended up becoming a loner because I was often told these things:

“You’re too dark to be Asian.”

“You’re Pacific Islander because Philippines is an archipelago.”

“Your people do not have a clear cultural identity.”

“Filipinos are ‘Hispanic’ because they were colonized by Spain.”


Well, it did not end there. The worst part was when it came to dating and I saw my Asian-American schoolmates dating fellow Asians (most of the ones who dated their fellow Asian Americans were the pale-skinned ones) and/or white people. 

I thought, “If they can date other Asians or white people, so can I!”

I was wrong.

So very wrong.

As a matter of fact, these guys, whether they were white or Asian American, won’t even look at me or see me as someone attractive, interesting, funny, and intelligent because all they saw is this dark-skinned girl from the Philippines.

At first, I couldn’t articulate why I was always felt so frustrated and dismissed or just seen as a place holder until they get their “Dream Asian Girl.”

Japanese girls were always at the top. Chinese and Korean girls were always a close second.

But I noticed Filipino girls were always some kind of “consolation prize” for these guys who can’t get a girl from the “East Asian Trifecta.”

Then it dawned on me that this is happening because I’m the “wrong” kind of Asian.  I do not belong in the hierarchy that was established by whatever powers that may be out there.

I completely resented it. And for the longest time, I hated being Filipino because my heritage is always the butt of jokes!

That routine from Donald Glover didn’t help:http://thisisnotpinoy.tumblr.com/post/32867024237

What Lucy Liu said on the David Letterman Showhttp://youtu.be/s5NCE71wV5s  didn’t help.

Why is being Filipino such a bad thing? Why is having a deep tan such a bad thing?

Why is having dark skin disqualifies Filipinos from being Asian?

Why is it so bad? Why do people hate us so much? Why do people not want us?

Even our own selves; we hate ourselves.

Growing up in the Philippines, the media that I saw had fair-skinned movie stars, news casters, and models. There were some dark-skinned actresses but they were few and far in between or they’re often type-casted as the punchline for the fair-skinned protagonist.

Then there’s an abundance of skin whitening products! How can we escape from this madness when we are deeply mired by our own self-hate?

I even hate myself to the point where I do not go outside in the sun, slather SPF100 and wear big sun hats so that I won’t become “too dark.”  I am also very guilty of being flattered when relatives tell me “Oh, you’ve become so fair-skinned, you’re so pretty!”

I’m a full-grown woman now but I still find myself being petty about not disclosing my cultural background to people and doing my best to look East Asian as much as possible.

And going back to interacting with white people, they just see Filipinos as “good servants.” Is that how we all are? We just exist to merely serve?

I’ve encountered the question “No, where are you REALLY from?” followed up by a mangled version of some Tagalog phrase they try to use on me to impress me?!

Oh, here’s another “classic” pick up line from white men. They’d tell me they were stationed in the Philippines for quite a few years and talk about how the hospitality of the people and how “docile and submissive” Filipino women are. Then they would even go as far as talk about how they were offered a Filipino bride to take home to America!

That truly annoys me to the Nth degree!

It’s really irritating, frustrating, and tiring battling my own self-hate, discrimination from white people, and then discrimination from fellow Asians.

It is really complicated, being Filipino. I see myself and identify myself as an autonomous Human Being and yet I am always reduced to a caricature of my culture and heritage—not just by other people, but by my own self, too.

It’s not just Southeast Asians being discriminated by East Asians.
Sometimes among Southeast Asians themselves. I’ve seen Singaporeans, Malaysians, Indonesians and Bruneians constantly looking down upon each other and making racist remarks at each other, behind their backs or publicly online. Sad to see Southeast Asians themselves still hate people that are “the other kind of southeast asian”.

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