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June 28 2015

One day a woman had 100 children

alpacas-with-flowercrowns:

wolf-and-kitten:

the-bored-cat:

She sadly did not have the creativity to name all of them unique names so she named each one a number from 1-100. One of them was named “one”, the next was “two” and so on all the way to one hundred. But, in a tragic accident, 99 of the children died. The only one who survived was the one named “Ninety”. Ninety eventually grew up and lived a whole life and she even had a few children of her own. One day, while Ninety’s children were playing outside, they stumbled upon a stray dog and the decided to keep it. Ninety did not want the children to have a dog so they hid it and named it “This” so that they could talk about it around their mom without her knowing. They would say “Lets go take This outside.” and things like that behind their mom’s back. One day, while Ninety’s children were not paying attention, This walks out into the middle of the street and gets hit by a car. This eventually dies and Ninety’s kids don’t tell their mother even then. No one else ever hears about This ever again.

Only Ninety’s Kids remember This.

OMG

How dare you make me read this with my own two eyes

Reposted bythepunneryc-zrepluggedarisocarlandlouisesofast

June 23 2015

thatsridicarus

May 19 2015

thatsridicarus

April 12 2015

jaclcfrost:

jaclcfrost:

one of my main nicknames courtesy of my family is “emmy” and my uncle was like “what if you marry a guy named anthony whose nickname is tony then you’d be emmy and tony” 

and then “what if his last name was award”

and then my cousin put in “if you have a son you could name him oscar”

emmy, tony, and oscar award

image

oh my god

internet-the-explorer:

sell oscar to leonardo dicaprio

kxmiii:

Do not sell ur children

darling-highness:

you’re right

rent them


Reposted bySmigolKik4sthepunneryTullfrogsaureusMissDeWorde

April 01 2015

February 16 2015

thatsridicarus
5471 8432
Tina was upset about the upcoming finals and to cheer her up (and cuz I was in a silly mood) I blurted out some puns that were suddenly popping out in my head.
thatsridicarus

February 09 2015

forevercryingbecausemerlin:

gayeskimos:

notgoingtosaygoodbye:

combeferret:

combeferret:

who was the roundest knight at king arthur’s round table

sir cumference

get out

he ate too much pi

oh my god

Reposted bythepunnerythosecookiesaremineKik4sc-zp856

January 30 2015

axlrosie:

gilboob:

randomgeeknamedbrent:

beepish:

kikutalia:

I’M CRYING
 image
image
image

#itadakimassachusetts

Konichiwashington

hawaii desu

I lost it so hard at konichiwashington

Reposted byZuruithepunneryc-zwrite-url-heresonozakidesuHereNamestupidfoxKik4snaichretshadowfax42NajaJagotenSmigolPachadiDiviuslubiezolty

January 26 2015

quo-fomo:

doctor-professor-smith:

indigo-sach:

blainewarblr:

penis

penisn’t

vagina

vagouta

anus

anyou

blowjob

blowunemployed

Reposted byArsenRapertureretjivnaichv3bsothepunnerymole-w-filizanceretAtariatrantaszpaquskartoNikpickfordkatastrofokittylittertutus

January 22 2015

arcanebrain:

sirdigbey:

sockathans:

jokes about communism aren’t funny unless you share them with everyone

Jokes about communism aren’t funny because they’re basically classless.

Jokes about communism are funny in theory, but not in practice.

Reposted byMalagothfubscattythepunneryTullfrogspecific-humorwonkocattolicoaundsjustanothergirlnaichKurkaWyluzujkerosineshadowfax42aVoXk1r4n3ry5wrong-suspectc-zSirenensanglemkoveryskacoloredgrayscalestraycatDiviusrbckppgafmalborghettoweselefigara

January 21 2015

dudethatsmygrandmaster:

castielandsamandriel:

dudethatsmygrandmaster:

DO YOU EVER JUST STARE AT A PUN

AND YOU GLARE IT DOWN

YOU HUFF OUT ANGRILY AND YOUR FISTS TIGHTEN

AND THEN YOU REBLOG IT BECAUSE WOW IT WAS SO BAD BUT DAMN DO YOU LOVE IT

You could say it’s punishing

YOU ADDED TO MY POST AND IT WAS A GOOD CONTRIBUTION 

Reposted bythepunneryTokei-Ihto

January 15 2015

thatsridicarus
7024 6dab 500


east-west-onedirection-the-best
:

doublejoeseven:

neko-shadow:

ow

ow

owowowowow

puns hurt

Puns are glorious.

Punbelievable

Tags: pun puns list
Reposted bynaichdanoniskoTullfrogjalokim0rainbowzombieskilledmyunicornniedobrzemeialevuneablhappymealRynprimoquesohadynapyrrhoncoloredgrayscaletimsimI-bring-Skeksi-backpetroindieaninmetanoizeaundsSulejmanneoraidereirenaschaafvigdisjottosnomnomnomMissDeWordefiffeySaper300madziapekbrujahodowla-hamakowambassadorofdumbcontroversialthunderbirdghalbadiouspotatoesuperbrainzrachelinajolieladykenobitichgafrayedendokretowazupaanuszkahokuspokuswdeszczubzymademoiselle-introvertshillenyachlodnawdowaagravainecolorfulvillainzamknioczyphenethylaminehashCzysteZuogeraltkojotekprzedmaranczakerosinebezznieczulenia

January 07 2015

thatsridicarus
3354 002a 500

unorodriguez:

stillstripping:

orghasmic:

taking yourself to pound town

I’m in me!

Just beat it … on the go!

this ad is full of golden lines
tbh i thought it was a portable jacuzzi

November 27 2014

thatsridicarus

zillyh00:

I ACCIDENTALLY PUT A KNIFE IN WITH MY LAUNDRY

zillyh00:

image

slidingtuna:

Those clothes will make you look ripped

zillyh00:

LEAVE

starktrekenterprise:

cutting edge fashion

Reposted bymatusslolufo

October 18 2014

thatsridicarus
8928 931c

dailydot:

'Mathematical aspirations' by Unearthed Comics

Reposted bythepunnerymeisterlukapertureMrWaspmoppiesymultanamolotovcupcakeTechnofrikuswonkoniktwaznyihuntyoursoulpesymistapatrzpodnogiQdeucoffeebitchcocciuellakolektywcrispybonesmozgmnieniebolimatusspartyhardorgtfoKurkaWyluzujszmay

October 13 2014

thatsridicarus
Here's a bridge. Now get over it.
Here's a straw. Now suck it up.
Here's a full cup. Now shut the full cup.
Here's an open book. Now shut it.
Here's a mini batch of wine. Now you can stop being such a little wine-y batch.
Here's a complete poker set including a case, chips, cards and poker sunglasses. I don't mean to be HEARTless but welcome to the CLUB. In CASE you didnt notice there's no 1 here that gives a CHIP so if you can just CARD it out, grow a FOUR KING pair, and DEAL WITH IT, that would just be am-ACE-ing.

Nigahiga (First World Problems & First World Problems 2)

Because I had to collect them all.

Reposted bythepunnerycoloredgrayscale

October 05 2014

thatsridicarus

MAKE A SENTENCE - little johnny jokes

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.

Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."
Reposted bythepunnerynaichTomred97nibblerdrink-mesofiasmakros
thatsridicarus

A LESSON IN GOVERNMENT - Little Johnny jokes

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''
''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.
''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.
''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed.

In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid.
Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!''

October 01 2014

thatsridicarus
0195 c4bc

gingerblivet:

molecularlifesciences:

angelicinnovator:

Biologists are jerks.

Our sense of humor is infectious. 

This needs to go viral.

Reposted bynaszekoszmarekthepunnerymaexlost-in-spaceMarshalrustybarttceatglitterrarisonaichrashfaelschaafLeMightyMustachePachadilolufoslania705keriotentegoCurumohorstianematusssmillaschlachtorosscorpixsearchingpollyDedaCzeskamagolek22coloredgrayscaleburdeltataPolindamozosicksinachaiakotficakacrewblackmoth7superbrainzgetstonedshitty-loveDragnurcygenb0ckjeyjeyjeylifelesshanspeterwurstnotforgetmeSebeczekLilaLolaVinrolitrustno1malaczarnakawakucykrocknrollqueenbezzznieczuleniashitsurisaddammonamenishablahBunnyBoominiaturaemciutessellatedelentarieRedHeadCathfitoradaetykipolaczettoasiekxpkcyqualejtekoleSebeczekagta13romantycznoscTammykrybusune-raconteuseElodjaloca-blueberrythehedgehogsdilemmailovegreenbagatelahahatwrite-url-hereim-so-retardedcygi-chanpuremindxjosefinesowaimitacjeszyderapieszczotygosieniabiolchematrantalostandstillnotfoundrainbowzombieskilledmyunicorndiviphenethylaminebutterbeerminimalizmuczuck1r4n3ry5frenulumjeauvlaurkashipulegonFalkakosschlachtorosskull-suturesindieaninbarricademocamokaiamthepirateincubuselinelav3bsostepowywilkzygmunttrzepotmetanoizekatzenpongmalborghettodomixblubbermissaintch2tereirenatildehederewarkoczRavynacitiesofnightjokkwasmiloszpapercutagravainestumblebeeviceerorangeblueberriesTiffanyspannaannashiaraenakarli2k1r4n3ry5luelovesjackySea7MissGingerszmaragdowykotmanianganianMijimerenioodarthsadicantonimtrapmktoryprzezylpogokaktudiviBepakuaRethanKurkaWyluzujcrlnniemcuimposterafrocostamgownoNogiMialaDoSamegoPieklaemciucinnamomumcollageankaMonasicinnamon-lattemiki77vanyaliimitacjeveezboozemariaxawariayoungandstupidmathema
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