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July 08 2015

a hilarious joke

wingscanspeak:

spookweedeveryday:

tanku:

three cats are competing in a race. there’s an american cat named “one two three”, a german cat named “ein zwei drei”, and a french cat named “un deux trois”. the cats all swim across a lake. the american cat finishes first, the german cat finishes second, but the french cat is nowhere to be found.

why?

because the un deux trois quatre cinq

IM LAUGHING SO HARD AT THIS JOKE IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IT I FEEL SO BAD FOR YOU 

EXPLAIN

Reposted fromchameleonlady chameleonlady

July 07 2015

thatsridicarus

June 30 2015

Me: So minions are supposed to work for the worst villain ever, right?
Friend: Yeah.
Me: Well.... they're working for Hollywood now. I'd say their mission's been accomplished.
Friend: FUCK!!
Reposted byTrollowniathepunnery

June 29 2015

June 02 2015

cuntherine:

i am genuinely paranoid that everyone secretly hates me and thinks i am really annoying and ugly and is pretending to be my friend and it’s all part of some big joke

Reposted fromtwice twice viaMissPunchline MissPunchline

April 21 2015

thatsridicarus
2518 6b8f

thepigeongazette:

My brother’s a jerk. 

The Pigeon Gazette [tumblr | twitter]

Reposted byretnutellathepunneryStagekrybusdeepfrozenpizzapieprymitivefadenbgabormacielsonatorskillzmcflyszabatowaJaanis93hrabiapawelvolldostTullfroggodcake2093m303Arkelanfallpulczynski

January 27 2015

thatsridicarus
1701 8330

intelinsideofme:

okay this was the first witty joke i heard on tv THAT MADE ME LAUGH LITERALLY FOR THE REST OF THE DAY

Reposted byLaFoilifelessmolotovcupcakenokturnallanabananapleassurepanienkamorganitawojciechwumalinowychrusniakyeahDeborahCurtis

November 30 2014

thatsridicarus
i met a girl with 12 nipples
sounds funny
dozen tit
twiistz (via lucifurby)
Reposted bythepunneryretTullfrogquantumcoffeeandunicornspun

November 22 2014

thatsridicarus
4363 1d84

iguanamouth:

h a h a

Reposted byTeofolcomicssoberwilczagatheringstormqbshtallniah22Fredelslohsm0k1nggnuoutstarmoi-coccinelletomexFate46skrzszlafmycamichalkoziolt1rratheeschottladenm4lkaviano123possumincardiganmikroiverrusalkaawhite-ravenHappinessNopeCzeskadewolajwidmoizab92Goonzoogosandkfiati

November 11 2014

thatsridicarus
So a dog walks into the forest and he sees a whale and says, “Aren’t you supposed to be in the ocean?” and the whale says “Yes.”
— A joke told by the Russian exchange student that used to go to my school.

(Source: loh-lee-tah | Explanation on Yahoo Answers for those who dont get it)

Reposted byemciuihearvoicesschaafkrybus

November 07 2014

lesbianvenom:

lesbianvenom:

straighteners aren’t worth ur money i’ve been using one for three weeks and i’m still definitely a lesbian

in all my 20 years of living this has been by far my best joke ever

Reposted bythepunneryshadowfax42

November 03 2014

thatsridicarus

rolandalfred2nd:

I hope the son sees this when he gets older

Full video (Skip to 10:48)
(Source: winchestrbrothrs)

Reposted byjabolmaxhappykokeshiTomred97KachonoelleunenlaaaksoMrWasphumaneasiekxp

October 20 2014

thatsridicarus
7960 d640


bloodcells-pixilate
:

Theres nothing about this picture that isn’t perfect

Reposted byemciuschottladen

October 15 2014

thatsridicarus

cuntsman-sniper:

teddytrumpet:

septetteforaspookyprincess:

when you accidentally step on a bee

image

Omfg

i don’t speak musician somebody translate this please

BEE FLAT HAHAHAHAHUEHUE
Reposted byhairinmybarricadezweisatzk1r4n3ry5mynniap856hareinmyaperturePoxerthepunneryarisomacounTullfrogkociesercegetstonedpesymistapartyhardorgtfobottlegreenkoszmarekaltopaltofukurou

October 05 2014

thatsridicarus

A LESSON IN GOVERNMENT - Little Johnny jokes

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''
''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.
''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.
''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed.

In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid.
Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!''

September 05 2014

kurgs:

skeletongrazed:

skeletongrazed:

what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?

one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails
Reposted bynaichReisagainstschlachtorosthepunnerywonkovolldostantihecloozikerphilmacflyp856Tullfrog

August 31 2014

houseofhannibal:

houseofhannibal:

houseofhannibal:

houseofhannibal:

The flight attendant just announced “If you don’t like any of my jokes, there are six exits” and told us where the emergency exits are it was actually the best

"for those of you who are traveling with children… WHY"

"if you’re changing to a flight with a different airline, we don’t care."

he said “okay now get out” once we landed i’m pissing myself

Reposted bywilczav3bsoTrollowniabluevalentineonceagainbagofcrapgnijacamlodapanna

August 14 2014

edwad:

*phone rings* 
“hello” 
“hi! is your refrigerator running” 
“yes it is” 
“mine is as well! can’t wait to see your fridge at the race tomorrow”

i love it when people put new twists to old cliche jokes
and HELL YEAH i’d like to see fridges racing

Reposted bythepunnerynaichschlachtorosevangelyn

August 12 2014

thatsridicarus

al-grave:

godotal:

Randomly remembering a joke and laughing about it to yourself

This fucking duck. Gets me every time.

Reposted bygifluvlucidumintervallumdankpanienkamorganita3ebrareloveutionlifelessbananowokandyzowaneowocekfiatipersona-non-grataViikfrostownikgruzdlacyganowmole-w-filizanceTomred97PornotomLogHiMaSpecies5618ReeshTHE6TullfrogwhovilleBananaRamavolnutellashiaraenamarbearmolotovcupcakeself-destructivelittlegirlpesymistaKazeKashishitsurilauraandqwertyuiopgnoccodemandsmall-idea-colliderworst-casekrzysio-yoviolethill
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