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"Tell the chef, the beer is on me."
three cats are competing in a race. there’s an american cat named “one two three”, a german cat named “ein zwei drei”, and a french cat named “un deux trois”. the cats all swim across a lake. the american cat finishes first, the german cat finishes second, but the french cat is nowhere to be found.
because the un deux trois quatre cinq
IM LAUGHING SO HARD AT THIS JOKE IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IT I FEEL SO BAD FOR YOU
When we forget to turn off a light:
C’est pas Versailles ici !
Hey, we’re not in Versailles !
When we stand between them and something they want to see:
Et ton père, il est vitrier ?
Is your father a glazier?
When you are hungry but the dinner is not ready yet
Ben mange ta main et garde l’autre pour demain !
Well, eat your hand and save the other one for tomorrow !
What’s for dinner ?
When you lie too obviously :
Et mon cul c’est du poulet.
And my ass is made of chicken.
When you are in a bad mood :
Mange des carottes, ça rend aimable.
Eat some carrots, you’ll be nicer
When you are throwing a tantrum :
Pleure un coup, tu pisseras moins.
Go on and cry, you’ll piss less.
And the world wonders why we are so sassy.
welcome to the French language where tantôt means “earlier” AND “later”
And where tiédir means “to cool off” and “to warm up”
also when I found out that tout à l'heure can mean both ‘a moment ago’ and ‘in a moment’.
I’d add that tantôt and tout à l’heure are pretty synonyms? but Belgian people use tantôt all the time whereas the French use tout à l’heure (it’s not 100% acurate but it reflects my French language experience so far haha)
i went to look up coup de foudre (“love at first sight”) but i fucked up
i fucked up so much
i didn’t know it was possible to fuck it up this much
i tried to see if it was true and i fucked up even more i’m sorry
This is so beautiful
okay BUT LOOK AT THIS FRENCH SUPPLY TEACHER HOLY SHIT
i was gonna repost this for the booty he’s got going on but then i saw the hashtag and now I’m reposting it for that alone.
est-ce que tu aimes le sexe ? le sexe.. je veux dire, l’activité physique.. le coït. tu aimes ça ?
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”
Took me about ten minutes to finally understand this
stupidest/most awesome joke ever
never forget that for voldemort’s name to rearrange to “je suis voldemort” in the french translations, they had to make his middle name ‘Elvis’
I CANT HANDLE THIS
are we just ignoring that wand is called a baguette in french?
the baguette chooses the wizard mr. potter
imagine banana with any other vowel
how do u have sex in the shower like its all slippity wippity so how do u do the hippidity dippidity
look at it like this
when a girl gets rejected, she thinks it’s something that she did or did not do, she thinks there’s something wrong withherself that would make a guy not wanna be with her
but when a guy gets rejected, he thinks there’s something wrong with the girl who rejected him, ‘she just wants to date assholes’, ‘she’s a bitch’, so on and so forth
and that’s some bullshit
someone finally said this thank you
visual representation of autoplay on someone’s blog
Born in Africa to French wildlife photographer parents, Tippi Degré had a most unusual childhood. The young girl grew up in the African desert and developed an uncommon bond with many untamed animals including a 28-year old African elephant named Abu, a leopard nicknamed J&B, lion cubs, giraffes, an Ostrich, a mongoose, crocodiles, a baby zebra, a cheetah, giant bullfrogs, and even a snake. Africa was her home for many years and Tippi became friends with the ferocious animals and tribespeople of Namibia. As a young child, the French girl said, “I don’t have friends here. Because I never see children. So the animals are my friends.”
"Tell the chef, the beer is on me."
"Basically the price of a night on the town!"
"I'd love to help kickstart continued development! And 0 EUR/month really does make fiscal sense too... maybe I'll even get a shirt?" (there will be limited edition shirts for two and other goodies for each supporter as soon as we sold the 200)