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May 23 2015



I met a couple Australians this weekend and they introduced me to what is possibly the greatest phrase in the English language. Apparently, a common response to a wide variety of questions is “I’m not here to fuck spiders”. It means “I’m already doing that” or “Obviously, yeah”. So like, example usage:

At the bar with a friend.
Friend: do you want to get a beer?
Me: well, I’m not here to fuck spiders.

ive literally never heard someone say that what fuckin australians did you meet

Reposted byambassadorofdumbn-nudelsalatmanxxKryptonitenothingiseverythingcucaTwinMissDeWordelogoreaToshioTVrobalflubbgingerglue

August 19 2014


Dad’s gotten 1000% better talking about periods since we started using Shark Week euphemisms:

"Ah, it’s Shark Week?" = "Ah, you started your period?"

"Harpoons on deck?" = "Do you have enough pads/tampons/etc?"

"Chum stocks are holding?" = "Do you need chocolate/midol?"

"Supplies are low cap’n" = "Yes, please."

"What kind (of shark) is it?" = "How do you feel?"

  • "It’s a Nurse Shark" = "I’m fine/not bad"
Reposted bythepunneryschlachtorosnaichschaafcongrevevertheerA-Bene-Placitookretowazupamacoun
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