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July 08 2015

a hilarious joke

wingscanspeak:

spookweedeveryday:

tanku:

three cats are competing in a race. there’s an american cat named “one two three”, a german cat named “ein zwei drei”, and a french cat named “un deux trois”. the cats all swim across a lake. the american cat finishes first, the german cat finishes second, but the french cat is nowhere to be found.

why?

because the un deux trois quatre cinq

IM LAUGHING SO HARD AT THIS JOKE IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IT I FEEL SO BAD FOR YOU 

EXPLAIN

Reposted fromchameleonlady chameleonlady

June 01 2015

thatsridicarus
4522 9838 500

skaletal:

 rainbow-ginger-butterfly:

wholetjackdrive:

queerart-civildisobedience:

European accents (and in general white people accents) are commonly perceived as attractive and endearing, while accents from basically any other part of the world are considered to be signs of laziness and disrespect and get routinely made fun of.

My whole family is Korean. My sister and I have grown up in the US so we can pretty much speak English. However, our parents speak very broken English. It makes me mad though because my mother has taken ESL classes at our local university and my father graduated from the University of Washington with a PhD in mechanical engineering, yet I constantly see them being made fun of by their coworkers or other people in general because “they’re too lazy to try to understand English.” My mom has spent countless nights crying whilst taking her classes because of the stress wishing she could speak half as fluently as I can. If you don’t know what it’s like trying to learn English as a second language, then you have no room to talk.

NEVER MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE WHO SPEAKS BROKEN ENGLISH. IT MEANS THEY SPEAK ONE MORE LANGUAGE THAN YOU DO. 

As someone who’s been trained to teach English to non-English speakers, allow me to inform you that English is an eldritch Frankenstein-esque abomination of borrowed words and mismatched grammatical rules.

Structurally, English is as convoluted and obtuse as any aspect of governmental bureaucracy, and it’s similarly societally entrenched in a way that makes people believe, and even insist, that’s just “the way of things.”

Here’s the facts: English is fucking hard. English doesn’t make logical sense. English is weird and horrible and inconsistent and makes common use of unusual phonemes that most adult speakers of other languages have to be mechanically taught to differentiate from similar sounds that are distinct in the English language. Without mechanical introduction and proper instruction, a lot of people cannot actually hear the difference in sounds you are mocking them for.

In some languages, [p] and [b] are indistinguishable. This is why you heard that gentleman say he would like a “can of Coke or Bebsi” with his order. It has nothing to do with laziness.

In some languages, [l] and [r] are indistinguishable. This is why you’re an asshole for going “me rikey” like the substitution is somehow comical. You’re a dick, and also most likely racist.

In the vast majority of languages, [θ] and [ð], known to English speakers as the voiceless (thing) and voiced (there) versions of the th sound, respectively, straight up does not even exist. This is why she says “teef” or “toofbrush,” why he keeps saying “ze” or “de” in place of “the,” and why they said “sank you very much” when you held open the door for them. 

There are sounds in English that a hell of a lot of speakers of other languages cannot teach themselves to recognize and recreate without assistance.

And, y’know, even if you get the screwy grammar and troublesome pronounciation down, English is a language in which very slight changes in intonation and word stress can completely change the meaning of a sentence. 

Like so:

But how are you doing? (Flamboyant pleasure to see someone, eagerness to catch up.)

But how are you doing? (Deflection from inquiries about self, moving conversation in a new direction.)

But how are you doing? (Concern, request for further or more accurate information.)

These are all totally different statements.

It’s incredibly easy to come across in a way you did not want or intend to when you’re not familiar with the particular ways in which saying something can change what it means to other people. 

Don’t you ever give people shit for not achieving or approaching fluency in English.

Repeat after me: English is a terrible fucking language and speaking it does not make me tangibly superior to anyone else in literally any way.

Reposted bymatusscomicsmanxxaeriskasessitaofbitchesandbutterfliesnatexschaafSirenensangakmonidesn0gasiekxpnaichyouamfrogaholicMissDeWordemyinspiration

May 11 2015

thatsridicarus
1524 1d08 500

useless-swedenfacts:

swenglish humor. bro means bridge in swedish.

Reposted byFreXxXmegustonanistadanielbohrermacielsonatorthepunneryKik4sbziumandrewmylesanonimowawithmyheadinspacePsaikomatussTullfrogdzaspyBlind-jellyfishschottladenchickenpantsveezMeeresbrautpidzyn

December 02 2014

thatsridicarus

pilgrimkitty:

unbucaneve:

jenesaispourquoi:

professorsparklepants:

Why does everyone say “house-wife” or “house-husband” when “House-spouse” is not only gender neutral, but also RHYMES?

the prof asks the important questions.

Wait, spouse rhymes with house? I always pronounced it ‘spooze’ in my head /o\ WHY IS YOUR LANGUAGE SO WEIRD, GODDAMMIT!!!

Because English beats up other languages in dark alleys, then rifles through their pockets for loose grammar and spare vocabulary.

Reposted byschaafmanxxdeletemeeaperturemolotovcupcakeJaanis93lordminxnaichserenitec-zp856schlachtorosidl3xh0p3

October 23 2014

thatsridicarus

Anonymous said: why do black people use you in the wrong context? such is "you ugly" instead of "you're ugly" I know u guys can differentiate, it's a nuisance

prettyboyshyflizzy:

you a bitch

rsbenedict:

It’s called copula deletion, or zero copula. Many languages and dialects, including Ancient Greek and Russian, delete the copula (the verb to be) when the context is obvious.

So an utterance like “you a bitch” in AAVE is not an example of a misused you, but an example of a sentence that deletes the copular verb (are), which is a perfectly valid thing to do in that dialect, just as deleting an /r/ after a vowel is a perfectly valid thing to do in an upper-class British dialect.

miniprof:

What’s more, it’s been shown that copula deletion occurs in AAVE exactly in those contexts where copula contraction occurs in so-called “Standard American English.” That is, the basic sentence “You are great” can become “You’re great” in SAE and “You great” in AAVE, but “I know who you are” cannot become “I know who you’re” in SAE, and according to reports, neither can you get “I know who you” in AAVE.

In other words, AAVE is a set of grammatical rules just as complex and systematic as SAE, and the widespread belief that it is not is nothing more than yet another manifestation of deeply internalized racism.

edwardspoonhands:
I love linguistics!

October 12 2014

thatsridicarus
Commonly confused words 22

commonfanficerrors:

Every day - adv. Each day, daily, regularly. I change my shirt every day so I always look clean.

Everyday - adj. Ordinary, normal, common, regular. This is an everyday shirt, not one of the good ones I wear to church.

[img from here]

Reposted bycelllone-wolfpannakies

October 09 2014

thatsridicarus
Adverbs of Frequency (c) Cork English Teacher
(via memrise)
Reposted byarakisschaafrashfaelgaabumole-w-filizancelolufoInshandru

October 07 2014

thatsridicarus


little-jonny-hairflips
:

fur24:

raptorific:

I’M SO ANGRY

SOME 16TH CENTURY ASSHOLE WROTE “GOD B W YE” IN A LETTER AS AN ABBREVIATION FOR “GOD BE WITH YE”

AND IT APPEARED AS “GODBWYE”

WHICH WAS THEN READ AS “GOODBYE”

AND THAT’S WHY WE SAY “GOODBYE”

BECAUSE OF 16TH CENTURY CHAT SPEAK

I hope there’s proof to back this up because that’s hysterical

as the proud holder of an english degree i can confirm this as fact.

Reposted bynaichprincess-carolyndreaminginger

September 22 2014

Apasih yg ngebedain bahasa inggris sm indonesia?

keaktsr:

English: “Would you care to validate your previous statement?”
In Indonesian: “SUMPE LO?!

In English: “Sorry, I think you miscalculated your own capabilities to handle the task at hand.”

In Indonesian: “Nenek lu kiper!

In English: “Would you care to elaborate on that statement?”

In Indonesian: “MAKSUD LOH?!”

In English: “There’s a 75% chance I won’t make it, I’m far too busy for ur stupid event.”

In Indonesian: “InSyaAllah gw dateng!”

In English : “The meeting will start at 9:15 AM. Please be there 15 minutes beforehand.”

In Indonesian: “Rapatnya jam 8!”

In English :"Let’s try this new scam and see if those carbo-ladden brains buy it"

In Indonesian : “Mama minta pulsa”

In English : “Please stop by our outlet. There might be stuff you’ll find interesting.”

In Indonesian : “Giordanonya, Kakaaak!”

In English : “I’ve stumbled upon something that might be of interest to you. You might find it useful.”

In Indonesian : “CEKIDOT GAN!”

In English : “I’m so overwhelmed by this turn of event that I’m speechless and in awe.”

In Indonesian : “ANJROT!”

In English : “This is a very interesting topic that everybody should stay updated about this.”

In Indonesian : “Sundul, Gan!”

In English : “I definitely won’t make it. You guys go and have fun without me.”

In Indonesian : “Ntar gue nyusul.”

In English : “You’re absolutely, positively 100% correct. But I knew that already.”

In Indonesian : “EMBEER!”

This will never not be hilarious

September 12 2014

thatsridicarus
Sing : Nyanyi
Singing : Bernyanyi
Song : Lagu
Songong : Belagu
fazriahafriani (via Path)

September 05 2014

thatsridicarus

Joke of the day.

wanderoar:

roseonabeach:

frostedsammy:

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”

“Yes.”
“Oui.”
“Sí.”
“Ja.”

what

Took me about ten minutes to finally understand this

stupidest/most awesome joke ever

Reposted byampileinwalkingchaoshowdyjeniv-viNajakarli2glaizv3bsothepunnerylost-in-spacefhKaroDredjustanothergirlVinroliTullfrogthesilenceofthealcoholicyoungiebealobsterfukurouprincess-carolyncoloredgrayscalero-kokoshadowfax42naichnatexsoulwaxninjamonkeysuperbrainznataliamanaochanarisocongreveapertureantecedentiaPachadiJaanis93phunlolufowronekfrayedendrichardfeynmanDingodoodlmacounlifelessDerOrwischerthrill-killerturionJonaekanikanimusztardaanomaliagnijacamlodapannagingerredheadtediousunclenukotrokotokoreloveutionvertheerhahatTUVimraZeollwandisoberkaszebsoupetersm0k1nggnuflyorflyfallendebilkfiatimrymrumruwilczacorpuscallosumkethralcoloredgrayscalev3bsomiuminatorune-raconteusetutuskusiollolacukiereklesatyrelenka024septemberdolllisiawiedzmaborsuczyskopuremindxrobiwanlavbiedronkakillerjezuschytruswrong-suspectkrimsonredsunriselilaschwarzserenite919
thatsridicarus

superlockedhogwartianinthetardis:

keepcalm-andpartyyon:

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

A question mark walks into a bar?

Two quotation marks “Walk into” a bar.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to drink.

The bar was walked into by a passive voice.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink. They leave.

THANKS FOR TEACHING ME THINGS THAT ENGLISH CLASS HAS FAILED TO ACKNOWLEDGE

Reposted bynaichTullfrogschaafarisoaperturePachadi

August 09 2014

thatsridicarus
1027 4f39 500
9GAG - Language Is Crazy
Reposted byschaafapertureniklashPorcelainarabus

August 02 2014

thatsridicarus
memrise:
Welcome to the basics of English borrowing from French.
Reposted bykaszebpanienkamorganitaschaafambassadorofdumbganzrockbarmegaraabsolutivim-so-retardedkerionaichPedros7v2pxlabellavitakissedbyfirekuroinekochrismetanoizeikarikompotzescierkiollzooziaevangelynwonkozicherkarainbowzombieskilledmyunicornkrybusindieaninJo-lisarugiaMilcatopyzatoramelisaskillzmcflybufstrangemeTullfrogk1r4n3ry5Vermillioncygi-chanmisspandoraprosiaczekkedhellAnneBonnyMlaskcucaTwininzynierschlachtorosbrightbyteramoneskapatrzpodnogidarksihayatentegodarshanKurkaWyluzujlittle-things-xxautoobdukcjaphilmacflytgsviceerlexipartyhardorgtforandomuserSenyiaAnnaBananalyricast505karolinaanomaliageguhurradeathlyhollowszarlotka76makemewannadiepillsloozikerescoSaper300blyskextrembuntgabryySantheyouarenotyoursoupPachadiniedoskonaloscbesomebodyarrependimentoinsomniahumanstoryBloodyYuki-MaceknablespraesensjuliHigh-KeyHigh-Keyaffiadeniankotficaa-antimatterxmoshixvongoogenmelicaaachikulive-to-ridecukier-wanilinowyT-foxspice-sugarladymartiniunbosomch2terhawakTokei-Ihtowoolowinkagronsakerreox

May 30 2014

thatsridicarus
0293 6880

nmtuesday:

English is a CRAZY language

Reposted bynobodysaiditwaseasyflymonstergronsakerjalokim0tisanegiselleHigh-KeytimmoephilomathidontbiteEdgiavooiddobbyikariwalkingchaosdessinemoilapaixitmakesmecalmlilaschwarzeternaljourneytishkaToshiraspberryheartxjoancatherineamagicalplacerocknrollqueenwithmyheadinspacechlodnawdowaReykjavikmotherofdragonsSebeczekserenitepartyhardorgtfoloozikerniekoniecznieomnielanuchyoungadultbottlegreencitronpresseadamski
thatsridicarus
English is Crazy! - ASAPthought

May 19 2014

thatsridicarus
1335 3aa6 500

dytabytes:

teal-deer:

lenoiretvert:

A lesson in Canada’s bilinguality.
Bilinguisme au Canada: une leçon.

OKAY CHATISFACTION AND FROMIDABLE REMAIN REALLY FUCKING GOOD PUNS

Look: we are really fucking good at puns, okay?

Reposted bymynniamaexdingensMerelyGiftedrepostedfrommakrosgnijacamlodapannathepunnerymolotovcupcakenaichIhezalCanadaEhgehirnfaschingholamasdonutz

March 02 2014

maritzac:

vanitybullet:

so in my spanish class the teacher sometimes puts up a sign that says “no ingles” and that means we can’t use any english that day in class and we have like the smartest kid who is class president and the teacher asked him something and he was about to talk in english before the teacher pointed at the sign so the guy busted out in full german and the whole class was in stunned silence and the teacher just gave a heavy sigh and left the room

the funniest thing about this is that in spanish, “no ingles” means “no crotch”

the perks of being trilingual

November 22 2013

i-ship-myself-with-fic-people:

winnythenona:

celestial-sexhair:

shypariah:

im-the-trickster:

meglemoreandlizkhalifa:

ironpatriotisstupid:

livemulticulturally:

have you ever just

stopped whatever you were doing

to look at an english word and

“you look like a fake word”

yacht

Pterodactyl

Queue

Axolotl

Banana

Jr

i thought dispurt was a word

but my english teacher said it wasnt

like a machine dispurts icecream am i wrong

Reposted bynaich naich

November 17 2013

Rules to learning English

cumber-kitty:

hiddlestoned-sherloki:

nurmengardx:

sanana-oppa:

questlon:

1. their our know rules

eye sea what yew did they’re

my eyes are burning

know know know, its eye sea watt yew did their, knot what. Due it write

eye wood dew it write butt eye dew knot wont two

Reposted byReisagainstTrollownia
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